This blog was created to document our experience dealing with Bailey, our 16 year old daughter's stroke. Until September 15th, she was a perfectly healthy, active teenage girl. She is a junior in high school this year. She has a part time job, many friends and a busy social life. She is involved with the marching band, cross country skiing and the school theater group. Her class schedule reads like that of my nightmares - Honors classes, Advanced placement classes and even a "college in school" physics class. She has a smile that shows itself with the slightest of provocation. She is happy, easy going and a bit goofy. Generally, there was no reason to expect any health issues and definitely we would not ever have even thought a stroke was a possibility.

So, this is our story. I am hoping it will help others who experience this sort of misfortune to understand they are not alone. Maybe they are feeling the way we do and will take some comfort our story.

Friday, October 1, 2010

So calm and strong

While I repeated the story of what happened to Bailey to my next door neighbor earlier this evening she said "You are so calm and strong. It is great that Bailey has you."

If only she knew that every time I get in the car to leave the hospital I burst into tears. Every time Bailey gets frustrated, I tear up and try to make sure she can't see me. When Bay cries, I cry, but I try to hide it behind a fake allergy attack, a sneeze or "something in my eye." The truth is I spend most of the day trying to not let Bailey see just how not calm or strong I am. She has so much on her plate right now that she doesn't need to know that I am terrified for her. It hurts so much to watch her struggle and I would trade places with her in a second but the truth is, I can't. I can't speed up her recovery, I can't take away her pain, I can't stop her frustration and I can't give her the endurance she needs to get through the day without having a breakdown.

All I can do is watch. All I can do is sit back and come to terms with the fact that while I am not strong, I have an amazingly strong daughter. She will succeed not because she has a calm and strong mother but because she is calm and strong. She has the tenacity and will to succeed at what ever she sets her mind to. And right now she has set her mind on "being recovered."
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 3, 2010 at 10:04 AM

    Jennifer-You have done an incredible job managing this extremely challenging event. You are a get it done person. Make sure you take time for you so you can stay strong for Bailey. Love you all. Linda

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  2. Joyce PedersenOctober 3, 2010 at 10:52 AM

    You dont have to be strong. Just being there is the best thing that Bailey needs. Its a tough balance being in the middle and and trying to keep a 'game face' on. Tell Bailey that Tim and Danny Pedersen are thinking about her as well as Mark and I.

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