Manic Monday

OK, so it is actually still Sunday but I can already see that tomorrow will be more of the same. Today we flipped and flopped back and forth between tears and laughter all day. It was "I am so scared to go back to school" and "I get to go trick or treating." ALL DAY LONG! She is so stressed out about school. I am trying to find ways to make it easier and also positive things to say to calm her nerves but I am not sure I am being very successful.

We will be going to school fully equipped with a digital recorder to make sure we don't miss anything. I also bought this software that transcribes your digital audio into text files for you. It seems to work pretty well with the samples I tried. We shall see how it goes once you add all the background noise of a busy high school!

Struggling with school work

Tonight we sat down to review and work on some of the school work that the teachers have sent home. Bailey quickly became very overwhelmed. One of the side effects of the stroke is some mild reading comprehension issues. She can read things to herself and answer question about it but the reading takes forever. She has to read and re-read it and it just goes slowly. She got frustrated and wanted to give up. We tried having me read it aloud to her and she just couldn't follow any of it. It was heartbreaking to watch her struggle.

We did find one assignment that went well for it. It was a Social Studies word scramble. These she can glance at and get without thought. How come she can't do that when the words are not scrambled?

A small setback

After over two years of dating Bailey and her boy have broken up. Truthfully, he broke up with her. He has assured her that it is not because of the stroke but would anyone actually admit it if it were? It has to be very stressful for him either way. He is now "the boy who broke up with the girl who had a stroke." Not a winning situation for either of them.

She is devastated. She has been crying for two and a half days now and can't seem to eat a full meal. She won't go in her room because there are too many memories of him in there. "Everywhere I look it is something that he gave me or a memento of us together." It is heartbreaking to watch and I can't seem to say the right words to make her feel better so I texted her friend Lindsay to come over last night and try. Lindsay brought ice cream, support and alerted a couple of other friends to come over as well. Surrounded by her friends she laughed and cried and seemed like she would be OK.

The after effects of their visit were short lived. She went back to bed and crying the minute they left. Today she woke up and the right side of her face was showing a droop that we haven't seen since three days after she had the stroke. She is exhausted and stressed and this is how her body is dealing with it.

I tried to talk to her today about the break up and it seems to be that she is less stressed about being boyfriend-less and more stressed out about losing his family. She is close to them and is now convinced that she won't ever get to see them again. I have assured her that this is not true.

Fingers crossed that this passes soon.

Thank you Nordstoms!

We finally made it out to buy shoes. We rolled into Nordstrom's with our heads held high and proudly asked for a pair of Converse - left foot size 8.5 and right foot size 11.

You can actually fit the "small" shoe inside the "big" shoe! It is awesome. Bailey calls the big one her clown shoe. She is oddly proud of it. I am so glad she is such a positive girl and can find the bright side to every bump in the road.

I would totally vote yes for socialized medicine right now

We have health insurance through the Post Office where Paul works. For the most part the coverage is great, the cost of prescriptions is OK and the copay's don't break the bank...until now.

Apparently as far as the day to day healthcare needs go we are covered but not so much when it comes to a catastrophic event (their terms not mine). Since Bailey is being seen for outpatient care at the Sister Kenny Institute and they call themselves a hospital we have to pay the copay associated with a hospital visit. It is $75 per visit. Well if you look at her twice a week visits this would be $150 a week. A high number but one that could be handled with some fancy calculator dancing and penny pinching. Well, think again. The phrase "per visit" pertains not to each time we physically visit the hospital. It refers to each therapist she sees. So, given her current schedule of going to SKI twice a week and seeing 3 separate therapists each time they calculate these as 6 visits per week. Now, let's do that math again...

Six visits each week, each with a $75 copay. That's $450 per week for her therapy. Ouch.

I will give you a minute to digest that before I continue...

So, now we understand the cost, let's look at the actual coverage. Our policy covers 50 visits per year. Apparently this is pretty standard for any health insurance policy and not really surprising to the people at the clinic but to us it was rather shocking. We were told that Bailey would likely have outpatient therapy for a year or more. So if she is scheduled for six visits a week and is limited to 50 visits per calendar year we are really only getting coverage for about 9.5 weeks a year. Excuse my language but - WTF??

I have spent many hours on the phone with both the insurance company and the rehab facility and really haven't gotten any solid answers. The benefits books reads like the three disciplines are combined into one visit if they are done in the same day so that would mean she could go for 25 weeks but why then are they telling me that I have to pay a copay for each of the 3 disciplines? The folks at Blue Cross are telling me that it is counted different for billing purposes but for coverage purposes they are combined. How does this make any sense?

I have been referred to Social Security Disability to see if she would qualify for any assistance but everything I am ready seems like she isn't.

Any suggestions would be welcome!

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Will a sniffle ever be just a sniffle again?

After our adventures today Bailey was a bit tired.  We had plans to go to Nordstroms to look at shoes but she opted for lounging on the couch in front of the Disney Channel instead.  I knew she must be tired if she gave up the opportunity to replace the running shoes that she hates so much.

After about 10 minutes of lying down she told me that she felt like she was going to vomit and that her head hurt.  She looked a bit green around the gills at this point so I began to think that it was more then just fatigue.  I tried to calm my worries by reminding myself that I have been tired to the point of exhaustion before and it made me nauseous.  It didn't work.  The more I tried to not worry the more I worried so I called one of her nurses from Sister Kenny.  She said that as long as the headache didn't get worse and she didn't start vomiting that I didn't need to worry.  If the headache got worse or she threw up I was to take her to the E.R. right away.

It turned out to be a false alarm and was just fatigue.  After lounging for several more hours she felt much better but I am quite certain that if she ever hears me say "you OK?" again her head might explode.  I felt like she was an infant again and I was a new mom.  I just sat there and watched her.  I was so scared and nervous.

After she started feeling better I couldn't shake the feeling that this was just the beginning.  She will never have a sniffle again without me freaking out.  God forbid she ever has a fever...

Preparing to go back to school

Today Bailey and I went to the high school to speak to her counselor about her upcoming return to school. The doctor has OK'd her returning on a "part time" (3 classes a few days a week) status on November 1st so we really needed to figure out what the game plan would be. Our plan was to visit Ms. Okey and then attend "First Lunch" and see some friends. After that we would make some stops into her fourth and fifth period classes to see some friends and talk to the teachers. After that she was going to visit the principal with a few friends to ask him about the benefit/fundraiser that the kids want to have in honor of Bailey.

Well the first part of our plan didn't quite work out like we wanted. We didn't have an appointment with the counselor so we had to wait until she was done registering new students before we could see her.

Bailey decided that she really wanted to give the AP and Honors classes a try so we had her put back into her original English and Pre-Calc classes and then switched her Social Studies class from its original 5 period to one during 3rd period. I thought this was very tidy and fine. We had figured out what 3 classes she would have and it would be OK for her to attend class a few days a week. Bailey thought it sucked. Turns out none of "her group" are in the 3rd period S.S. class so this stressed her out. Also, she didn't want to drop German so we had to see if the teacher would work with us on any type of alternate scheduling. And let's not forget about band...

After the disappointed water works stopped we headed off to speak to her German teacher. I barely got the words "we were wondering" out before she said "yes, I have a plan!" So, our big plan for German is that Bay will attend class when she can and will work with her fellow students to make sure she doesn't fall behind. We were very proud of this outcome. It was almost like we thought of it!!

After our great success with the German teacher we headed off to see Mr. Hoehn. We figured it couldn't hurt to ask him if Bailey could stay in the Symphonic Winds band even though she can't play her instrument. He was more than happy to accommodate her. He said that he had been thinking about ways that she could be involved and thought that maybe there was a percussion instrument that could be played with one hand. It was awesome!

So our trip to the school to get registered for "part time" school turned into Bay being registered as a full time student! Fingers crossed that she doesn't get overwhelmed and that she can keep up. I know that she will be heart broken if she has to back off and give up some classes. She loves school so much it confuses me. I was never this dedicated to school at her age. What a nerd.

Shoe struggles

One of the more frustrating results of the stroke for Bailey is that she can no longer just throw on any old pair of shoes and go. She is now required to wear a leg brace that makes her right foot about a size bigger than her left. So far the only shoes she has that she can wear are the sneakers we bought her for PT. She hates these shoes and I don't blame her, after all she has been wearing them everyday for a month.

I had heard a few years ago that you could go to Nordstrom's and buy a pair of shoes with each one being a different size. I decided to verify this via the live online chat with one of their customer service people.

This is how it went:

Kim J: Hello Jenn, my name is Kim, and welcome to Nordstrom! I see your question: I have a 17 year old daughter who had a stroke 5 weeks ago and because of a leg brace she has to wear she now requires two different size shoes. Is it true that you will sell a pair of shoes where each shoe is a different size.

Kim J: I am sorry for this, Jenn. Yes. We do provide a Split shoe service. Could you provide the sizes that she requires?

Jenn: Her left is a nine and her right needs a 10 to fit the brace in it.

Kim J: The split shoe service is offered if the sizes are within 1.5

Jenn: They are! Can I go to the store and get the split shoe service? In order to make sure they work we have to try them on. The brace really restricts what shoes she can wear now. It is very frustrating for her!

Kim J: Yes, you are more than welcome to visit your local Nordstrom store for this service. You are also able to contact our Customer Service Line at 1.888.282.6060 to place this order. You would place an order for two pairs of shoes, one in 9 and one in 10. Once received, you would return the sizes that are not needed.

Jenn: That is fantastic. Thank you for your help!

Kim J: You are welcome, Jenn. Thank you for visiting Nordstrom today.

I have always been a huge fan of the Nordstroms shoe department and now I am even more loyal!

Thank you Nordstroms!!

"I will walk to the car"

This was the mantra we used to get us through the stress of the first few weeks of therapy.  Whenever she felt depressed or lonely I told her to close her eyes and see herself doing it in her mind.  I told her to repeat the words "I will walk to the car" and know that she would.

While the staff - Dr.'s and therapists alike - said that this was a "lofty" goal and unlikely to happen Bailey kept telling them that they were wrong.  She believed that she could and that she would walk to the car.

Well today, after just 4 weeks and 6 days in the hospital Bailey proved them wrong. 

SHE WALKED TO THE CAR!!!

Another Homecoming event

Tomorrow Bailey is coming home from the hospital.  It will be awesome to have her home where she belongs.  I can't wait.

The universe wanted me to be prepared

Some of you may have noticed that there aren't any references to prayer or God in my blog.  One would think that in a tough time like this that I would be praying for my daughters recovery.  Well, quite honestly I am not sure I believe that there is a higher power.  Honestly, what I should say is that I don't believe in God.  What I do believe is that the universe provides you with what you need.  I believe that everyone you meet has something special to offer even if it is not immediately apparent.  I believe that the things you learn will provide you with the knowledge you need later in life.

Never have my beliefs been more thoroughly validated then in the current situation.  This is how my life was before the stroke:

In May I was laid off from my full time job.  I weeks looking for a new one in my field with no luck so I decided to see if I could find something part time that would at least help me pay the bills.  The first job I found online was for a mobile wedding DJ.  I made the call.  I was hired in May and have been doing it ever since.

Now that I had found some supplemental income I figured I had better come up with a plan for the rest of my life.  I decided to go to college.  I had never done this before because I got pregnant right out of high school and decided to be a parent instead of being a student.  It was equal parts exciting and terrifying but it felt good to have a plan.

I started school in August, I had an English Comp class, a Chemistry class and an Intro to Psych class.  I loved them all.  I especially enjoyed the Psych class where I spent four weeks learning about how awesome the human brain is.  How it can retrain other areas of the brain to do things that damaged areas can no longer do.  Plasticity is the technical term for it.

So I guess you are probably wondering how all these things fit together.  Well, let me explain.

The four weeks of college were the four weeks prior to Bay's stroke.  The last wedding I DJ'd before Bailey's stroke was a gal who had a stroke when she was 19.  When I met Jen (the bride) I had no idea that teenagers could have strokes.  Without the four weeks of Psych class I wouldn't have understood anything the doctors or therapists were telling me about Bay's diagnosis, rehab and prognosis.

The universe had sent me the knowledge I needed and it had sent me a wonderful resource for Bailey in the form of Jen (Sanders) Talbott.  Both of these things arrived just when I needed them most.

Not that you can ever really be prepared for your child to have a stroke but the universe made one hell of an effort to help me out.  I guess I was meant to be prepared, at least on some level.

Thank you Universe.

Only 36 hours to go

Bailey's home visit went terrifically. 

We got the house put back together enough to actually test out how she would do.  We had the couch and entertainment center in the living room and the toilet in the bathroom worked.  Her bedroom was back together and ready to go.

She and I cozied up under a blanket and watched a movie.  Around 8:30 Bay was ready for bed and didn't hesitate to say so.  I helped her get ready and tucked her in.  Paul had gone down to Grandma's to retrieve his stuff from staying there for a week so he wasn't at home.  When I said goodnight to Bay she asked if I was going to stay until Daddy got home.  I told her yes but that I believed she would be fine for a little while on her own.  She assured me that she was not comfortable with that idea and that I should stay til he got there.  So I stayed.

This morning my phone rang at 8.  It was Bailey.  She was awake, bored and hungry.  Apparently Paul was still sleeping and she wanted to know if it was OK for her to get up and get herself something to eat.  I said sure, if she promised not to fall.  She was so happy to hear that it was OK for her to do normal things all by herself. 

Of course I was nervous so I called Paul to tell him she was up and that he should keep an ear open.  By time he answered his phone he had already heard her wandering around and gone downstairs to check on her. 

Turns out that she did find.  No falls, no trips, no issues - and she even washed her own dishes.

At noon Zach came over with lunch and a movie.  The lounged on the couch and enjoyed their show while Paul and I putzed around cleaning and such.  It was so calm and ordinary it was almost easy to forget that she has the struggles that she does.

Released from the zoo

Today Bailey gets to come home from the hospital for an overnight visit.  They do this for most of the patients prior to release so they (the patient) can evaluate how they do.  What were the hardships?  What did they find simple and easy?  Were there any areas of the house that they found difficult to maneuver?  Basically - are you ready to go home and will you survive if you do.

Bailey is equal parts nervous and excited about it.  She wants to come home but she is worried because the first time they let her out of the hospital she had a panic attack when it was time to get out of the car.  She is worried that "coming home" will cause another attack.  I reminded her that on Thursday she had no issues getting out of the car.

I get to pick her up at 2 and the house is no where near ready to go.

Happy 101 Grandma Phoebe!

Today is Paul's grandma's (Bailey's great grandma) ONE HUNDRED AND FIRST birthday.  We all took time out of our construction work to spend the evening with her.  We enjoyed pizza and cake and family chaos. 

Bailey is doing so well in her recovery that the doctors let her out for the evening to attend the party.  It was so nice to have everyone together in honor of our matriarch. 

From A Distant Perspective...

Tomorrow is Grandma Pheobe's 101st Birthday. I have been informed that Bailey has been issued a day pass in order to go and visit her. This is very exciting news! On top of that, Bay has less than a week until they release her back into the wilderness, so she can once again reek havoc on the world! :)

The renovations to the house our going fairly smooth. But if you asked my dad he would say otherwise. Keith and his team have resurfaced the living room floor, and the bathroom. The new toilet is in working condition, and instead of a bath tub, we now have a shower. Other side projects, such as, building new cabinets for the bathroom, and painting the walls in Bay's room, are on the agenda. I would like to let the team know that both myself and my parents are very grateful for your hard work and time. Your efforts to better Bailey's home experience are amazing. Thank you very much.

On to the next one...

I spoke to Bailey on the phone a few days ago. She was not very talkative, but I hardly believe that is was aphasia related. I think she was just tired from the events of the night prior. It was the morning after the dance, and she told me that they let her stay out until midnight! Wow. I don't know how she did it. Last I remember she was kicking us out of her room before eight every night so she could (talk to Zachy-Poo and) sleep. I guess when there is gossiping to be done a girl can summon energy from all sorts of places.

At least I have a routine

I go to the hospital in the morning, spend the day going through therapy with Bailey, I come home at around supper time, I let the boys out and feed them dinner, I change into my grubby clothes and head to Paul's house to work, I go home to sleep around midnight and then I start over the next day. 

There is so much to do before Bailey can come home.  Like any home improvement project, there is always more to it then you expect.  Around every corner there is some other thing that could be and should be done.  It is sort of a constant game of "while we're at it" or my other favorite "oh crap, we can't just leave this like it is."  Everyone is working hard and being so supportive I feel as though I need to keep up and do my part.  I have been told repeatedly that I don't need to feel that way but I am not one to sit back and let others do things for me.  I figure I will sleep when there is time!  I know it is all worth it and it will be fabulous when it is done.

The aftermath

Oh boy is she worn out today!  She slept for about 13 hours after getting back to the hospital.  Her dad spent the day with her and after a couple of hours out wandering around (in her wheel chair) she needed a nap!  She was so happy and sleepy, it was awesome.

It's time

The hair looked great, the nails were just the right red, the legs were smooth and the smile was permanent.

Getting ready went smooth, including the trip to the Mastercuts at Southdale to get her hair done. She opted for a low on the side, curly, pony tail.  The florist had given us a couple of extra little roses to put in her hair.  It was so lovely.  She really does have some fantastic hair!

Before we left the house she needed to take one last look in the mirror.  She stood there and stared.  When she finally finished she looked at me and said "I am the prettiest girl at Homecoming - so far."

We ended up having about an hour to kill so we went to visit the crew at the house and show off the beautiful dress and lovely hair.  Everyone came out to see her.  She felt and looked like a princess.  It was wonderful.

We arrived at the dinner at 6.  Bailey refused to use her wheel chair to get from the car to where her friends were gathered taking pictures so I let her walk.  She made an impressive effort but was so tired that I had to over rule her and get "Franken-chair" out of the car for her.  Her friends were very gracious, kind and patient while we puttered our way across the patio to the fountain.

The group has grown a bit in a the past few years so there were about 30 kids there this year.  Hard to get them all in one shot but everyone tried (I will add pictures to this post later).

Dinner was brought in from Buca De Beppo.  Awesome Italian food - Bailey's favorite.  The parents who planned things did a fantastic job.  There were pretty decorations and place cards and everything.

It seemed like Bailey was in good hands so Paul and I decided to leave her with her friends.  There were enough parents there that she would be well taken care of.  After dinner the plan was to let Bailey go with Zach to his house to watch a movie.  The hospital gave her til midnight before she turned back into a pumpkin.

I spoke to her later and asked her how it was.  Her answer - "PERFECT!"

The day has come

Today is a big day!  Homecoming Dance!

Even though Bailey has no intention of actually attending the dance we must still go through all the primping and preening that attending such a special event requires.  I am allowed to pick her up from the hospital at 2:00 PM.  From there we will go to the salon to get her hair done, to my house to paint the nails, shave the legs and get dressed.

Time willing we will then stop by the house to see the work crew.

More to come and pictures to be posted later.

Text I received from Bailey this morning

"I got to the bathroom with my cane!!!!!!!!!"

Yes, she did include 8 exclamation points.

It is truly the little things that make us happy these days!

Chastised for slacking

Apparently I have been neglectful of the blog in the last few days.  Trust me, it is not intentional.  We have started the modifications to the house and I suddenly have less hours in my day then I did a week ago.  I didn't have enough then, so now it is wearing on me even more.

Paul's cousin Keith is heading up the project and he has become somewhat of a rock in our lives.  When we were unable to make decisions on Home Depot the other night he gently guided us in the right direction.  Not sure what we would do without him right now.  I guess we would still be standing in Home Depot staring at toilets.

The folks at Home Depot are beyond awesome.  R.J. Leslie and his staff are so knowledgeable and patient.  It has made the whole experience that much less stressful.

On Wednesday Becky brought the finished Homecoming dress to the hospital.  It is spectacular!  Bailey is so excited.  She tried it on and I practically had to hold her down to remove it.  She wanted to "just keep it on for a while."  I had to explain to her that it would then need to be ironed and I just don't have time for that.  She did finally take it off but when I was ready to leave and asked if I should take it home to keep it safe she just about dove out of the bed yelling "Noooooo."  It almost seemed like it was in slow motion like in the movies.

Yesterday "the boy" (Zach) came to Bailey's last session of PT so that he could learn to walk with her, support her and catch her if she falls.  He caught on quick and even corrected us once when the chair she was transferring into was in the wrong position.  I know they will do fine but it still is not going to inspire me to leave her alone with her friends.

Overall, this week has been very good.  No major set backs and a few great successes.  I only wish it also had included some extra hours or perhaps the energy level I had at 20.

One Long Trip...

So After almost a week of hurry up and wait, I am finally back with my unit. Everybody was all sunshine and smiles when I arrived yesterday, around 1700 (zulu time.) To them it seemed like I was gone for an eternity. "Does time really move that slow out here?" I thought to myself.

I have been pretty worn out and stressed in the past few days. With all the luck in the world, right when I get back guess what is waiting for me... A pending psychological evaluation. Great. Just what I need; to go talk to some one about my mental well-being.

I was very excited to hear about Bay's newest achievement. Being able to move her fingers. I'll bet she was equally as thrilled as I when the event occurred. I wish that I could have been there to see it, but judging by previous experiences, there may not have been enough tissue available if I had.

The Chucks are here, the Chucks are here!

Beautiful dress for homecoming - Check!

Beautiful necklace to go with dress - Check!

Pass from Dr. to leave the hospital - Check!

Bright red Converse Chuck Taylor's to go with the dress - CHECK!

It's numb but she can move it!

Today out of no where Bailey's right hand went numb. Suddenly there was no pain reaction and she couldn't feel it when I tickled the back of her hand. She freaked out and started crying. I asked her what was wrong and try as she might she just couldn't formulate a complete sentence. The more she struggled the more she cried. The more she cried,, the more she struggled. It was an ugly cycle of frustration and in the midst of it my brain started screaming SHE HAD ANOTHER STROKE! Well this was not the case. She was just working her self into a frenzy and her brain didn't know what to do.

In the middle of the panic, the tears and my feeling of helplessness I simply sat there holding the now numb hand, not knowing what to do to help. When she was finally able to calm down she turned and looked at me and squeezed my hand. It was such a natural act that I was sure I was imagining it so I asked her to do it again and she did. She squeezed my fingers so tightly that it hurt!

About an hour later the numbness subsided but the mobility did not. While she still doesn't have the power to fully extend the fingers she can close them and it is a great start.

The things that matter

This past Sunday KC DiNardo, the Director of Student Ministries at Hope Church, included Bailey in her sermon. Bailey has attended Hope for a couple of years now but spent much of her childhood in the daycare there. The sermon was about the things that are important in life. While I am not much into religion, I do believe in the message of what KC said.

Hear the podcast here.

"Apparently I'm good at it"

I wasn't at Bailey's therapy this morning because I had my own doctor's appointment to contend to. When I got to the hospital I asked her what she had done in physical therapy this morning. She said she had done a bunch of walking. I asked her how it went and her response was "well, apparently I'm good at it."

A very long weekend

Saturday I DJ'd my first wedding since Bay had her stroke. It was also the day James returned to Iraq. It was a very difficult and long day. Perhaps not so much for Bay but it definitely was for me. I spent the evening watching a beautiful bride dance around all carefree and easy and all I could think is "I wonder if by time Bailey gets married she will move that easily. Will she still struggle with each step of will we see a full recovery?"

I try to stay optimistic and not let thoughts of "a recovery with deficits" (the doctors wording) enter my mind but it is harder on some days then others. I see her struggle and I just want it to be done. I want her to run around and dance in the easy free way she used to instead of the focused and difficult way she has to now.

I wonder if she even thinks of these things. To spend time with her you wouldn't think she does. She makes jokes, smiles and laughs the same as always. She is excited about every little success and used the word cool to describe the fact that she gets to use the "big stall" in the bathroom now.

On Sunday they let her leave the hospital for the afternoon. Her first priority was to go to Target, so this is what we did. Once at Target we had a couple of choice to make - bring the wheel chair in or use the electric carts they have at the store. Well of course she wanted to use the cart. It was very funny to us and very dangerous to those around us. And in typical Bay fashion, it was "cool." Not sad, not depressing, not frustrating, just cool.

How does she have such a positive attitude? I am not sure I would be as strong if I was in her situation.

So calm and strong

While I repeated the story of what happened to Bailey to my next door neighbor earlier this evening she said "You are so calm and strong. It is great that Bailey has you."

If only she knew that every time I get in the car to leave the hospital I burst into tears. Every time Bailey gets frustrated, I tear up and try to make sure she can't see me. When Bay cries, I cry, but I try to hide it behind a fake allergy attack, a sneeze or "something in my eye." The truth is I spend most of the day trying to not let Bailey see just how not calm or strong I am. She has so much on her plate right now that she doesn't need to know that I am terrified for her. It hurts so much to watch her struggle and I would trade places with her in a second but the truth is, I can't. I can't speed up her recovery, I can't take away her pain, I can't stop her frustration and I can't give her the endurance she needs to get through the day without having a breakdown.

All I can do is watch. All I can do is sit back and come to terms with the fact that while I am not strong, I have an amazingly strong daughter. She will succeed not because she has a calm and strong mother but because she is calm and strong. She has the tenacity and will to succeed at what ever she sets her mind to. And right now she has set her mind on "being recovered."

James is returning to Iraq

...tomorrow.

We had hoped that the Army would let him have another 5 days but they denied our request for an extension of his emergency leave.

I suddenly feel completely out of control of my whole life. My daughter is in the hospital and my son has to return to war. What happened to just having regular kids that were too busy with their social lives to spend time with mom? Suddenly I long for those days.

Fundraising efforts

James and a couple of Bay's friends had the idea that a raffle would be a good way to raise money for the bills and home modifications.  Today I started calling Richfield retailers and restaurants asking if they would be willing to donate a gift card to the raffle.  I got an overwhelmingly positive reaction.  Everyone that I spoke to wanted to help.  It truly does warm the heart and restore some of my faith in humanity when people are so pleasant and generous.

Thank you, Chipotle, Potbelly, Noodles & Co, Caribou, and Schlotzky's!

Walking up stairs

Today in Physical Therapy it was all about things that Bay will need to do when she gets home.  We practiced getting in and out of the car and walking up and down stairs.  She was SOOO tired afterwards.

A discharge date on the horizon

Yesterday we found out that they have set tentative discharge date is October 19th!  Bailey will get to go home for an overnight stay on the 16th for a sort of trial run.  They will have her fill out a worksheet that lets them know what sort of struggles she had so that they can then spend her last few days in therapy working on improving those skills.

In preparation for this, today we practiced transfers (getting in and out of the wheelchair) into and out of a car!  She did really well and didn't need any assistance at all.  She is so ready to get out of this place.  She wants to go back to school.

She asked her therapist yesterday is going home on the 19th meant she could go back to school on the 20th!  I told her that she may have the only truly valid reason to miss a bunch of school and that maybe she should quit rushing it and she rolled her eyes at me and laughed.