Today was our first truly sad day since entering the hospital 13 days ago. Bailey was emotional and teary through most of her therapy. She said that she was tired and just wanted to go back to bed. She struggled through the things that seemed simple yesterday. Putting on her shoes made her weep with frustration. I couldn't get her to talk about what was going on in her head so I was stuck in the role of spectator to my daughter's sadness. It is not a role I fit easily in to. I wanted to help. I wanted to make her feel better. I couldn't.
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse they did. We had a visitor. One of Paul's postal customers is a stroke survivor. She had her stroke about 20 years ago. She still works as a nurse in the stroke ward at North Memorial and travels all over doing talks about what it is like to recover from a stroke. She is probably in her 60's now but still spunky and outgoing. She asked Paul if it would be OK for her to visit Bailey. She thought that hearing something positive from a fellow stroke victim might help her.
Judy came by at about noon. She sat and talked to us for about an hour. She told Bailey that she knew what she was going through and that she needed to remain strong. She told Bay not to give up on the idea that she is right handed because she could be again. She was really quite inspirational.
Well when she left all Bailey got out of the visit is that Judy can no longer use her right hand. Of course this made her very sad and she sort of figured that if Judy couldn't use her hand then she wouldn't be able to use hers. We had many tears over this. I explained to Bailey that it was too early to know how much recovery she would have but the therapists had every reason to believe that she would regain the use of the hand. It might be limited use but they expected improvement.
The part of the Judy's story that Bailey didn't pay attention to was when she told how she had regained some use of her hand and was able to write with it and do a ton of other things. The reason she couldn't use it now was because she had gone on vacation to Mexico and fallen, breaking 3 bones in the hand. She had not realized the extent of her injury so you just wrapped the hand and finished her vacation. So the reason Judy can't use her hand is not from the stroke! It was from vacation!
Even after being reminded of this Bay was still sad. I think today is the first day that she actually comprehended that there may be, as the doctors put it, some deficiency after she is done with recovery.
I know it must have been overwhelming for her. I am still in a bit of denial myself. I have a pretty picture in my head of my perfect girl doing things and acting just like she did prior to the stroke.
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